Sometimes we think back on our life and feel nostalgic sentimentality over a lost relationship. Maybe it’s someone you remember with joy and long to meet, but you lost contact long ago. Maybe it is an “ex” partner” and you can’t understand why you broke up when it was so great (now in perspective). While your instinct might be to call that person or write, or visit, I mean that it is not realistic to believe that if you already lost the contact and stopped communicating, starting over again would bring something new and positive to your life. Sure we all change and maybe being in a different life-situation would change the nature of the relationship. But there would most likely be problems based on the old relationship. Purely mathematically is not worth the energy it requires. Take an equation, any really. Solve it and look at the answer. Try to solve the equation again and see if the answer becomes another one this time. No, it’s not likely. So do not resume the contact with old boy/girlfriends or comrades that you have not talked to for ages. There is a reason why you do not have contact.
If you instead put the energy in creating new friendships, chances that you will encounter someone that you can have a good relationship and positive experiences with are much greater than that you can resume a non-functioning relationship from the past.
My tip: Always strive to “look ahead” and try to not “look back” too much in your life. I would even go as far as making this a “mantra” that you repeat every time you think back, to stop yourself, and to force yourself to seek the solutions in the unknown future instead of in the past.
I say this because my experience is that we have a tendency to glorify things that have happened a long time ago. For example, it is surprisingly easy to forget about boring events, while we often remember the good ones. Although this is quite natural and certainly an important part of how our brain works, it is not always positive for us. Worst part is that for some reason, we are very good at ignoring facts and finding excuses so that we repeat destructive behaviors.
Instead of searching for new solutions to problems and situations that arise, we easily repeat the same destructive actions that already caused problems for us in the past. We ignore or forget that it was precisely this mode of action, or the interaction with these persons, or the consumption of this substance, or the relationship with this partner or friend that already put us in a problematic situation to start with.
Breaking the negative circle requires energy, while continuing to spin in it requires no special energy, you just go on without changing. Spinning in the negative circle suffocates your will to break it and the longer it goes on the more energy is needed to break it. Since it requires so little energy to repeat destructive patterns, but a lot of energy to innovate and break them, we often stupidly choose the energy-efficient alternative.
When you “reach backwards” for something that you think should help or be good for you, it almost never ends as you wish. On the contrary, you usually get disappointed (again).
Do not think that just because you have changed in your own eyes means that the things that you have left behind because it did not fit into your life have also changed. And even if they did, chances that you have matured in different ways are very large. Different starting points give very different results. If you are supposed to be with these people then they will seek you out, not you seeking them out.
Never look back, always forward. Don’t think nostalgically of what was, the memory is a tricky trap, it just remembers what it likes or wants to remember and is great at changing the circumstances. No, don’t trust the memory of the past’s attempt to tell you to go back. You just spend unnecessary time that you can use for something much more positive.
So what do you have to do then? Well, in my humble opinion you have to “reach forward” into the unknown, stretch out your hands in the direction of what is new (and exciting). This is when things happen that make you feel happy and positive. New things are interesting for the brain, the old ones just open up already healed wounds no matter how good intentions you have.
So, the unknown, here we come!